Meeting Ish
by Kuroseed
Summary: A little one off about Syed's meeting with his old friend and having to tell him about his life. Not sure what to rate this so shall make it T just in case.


Meeting Ish

**This is just a little one off about Syed's meeting with Ishfaq and afterwards. The first bit is Ishfaq and then it's Syed. I am sorry it will be a little sickly sweet but I hope its ok.**

**Kuroseed**

_Ishfaq_

I walked into the coffee shop more than a little nervous. Syed Masood. The idea itself was like meeting a ghost. Years of nothing and then out of nowhere my secretary tells me I've got a call from Syed Masood. I half expected it to be some coincidence, another Syed Masood, but the second he said hello I recognised those clipped tones anywhere. I felt a little bitter if I'm honest at only being contacted for my legal skills and not just for a catch up, there had been a time when we were close. But I missed the bugger so of course I agreed to meet him. I made sure we met at a café though, if I'd brought him to the office I'd have to bill him. I saw him instantly, Syed was never the kind to blend into a crowd no matter how much he tried. I stood for a second and watch him chat casually to the waitress; see her smile at him, her cheeks going a little rosy and I can't help but shake my head. Typical, just bloody typical. He would have kept those pretty boy good looks wouldn't he? I try my best to suck in my gut a little, I guess marriage life has been just a bit too good to me. Syed always was the looker, I try and remember from Jim used to call him then it comes to me and I grin 'the bait'. Always used to joke that if you tossed him into the centre of a room all the girls would go after him then you just move in and pick off the weak members of the herd. It seems like a lifetime ago. Then he looks at me and it seems like two lifetimes ago. His eyes are so different now. He's nervous, now nerves is not something I usually associated with Syed. He was always the confident one, the charmer, a bit sneaky and devious certainly, but never nervous. But there it was clear as day. My guts twisted whatever had happened that he needed me for was big.

"As-Salam Alaykum." I greeted him, walking over and clasping his hand in mine.

"Alaykum as-salam." He replies almost bewildered that I might have used that on him, suddenly I want to remind him that just because I wasn't as devout as him doesn't mean I'm some sinner. I take a seat and I kinda hate sitting next to him. It's hard not to compare yourself and Syed defiantly got some good genes there's no denying it. I know that Aara wanted him when they first met, that was how she came to be introduced to me. I'm not saying my wife sees me as second prize or anything, at least I hope she doesn't, but it still hurts to know that back then the one she was after, hell the one they were all after, was Syed.

"It's good to see you, mate." I tell him and I mean it, I really do.

"You too, Ish." I have to grin at that, no one has called me that in a while.

"You know we tried to invite you to the wedding." I tell him, it was weird telling him on the phone that we even got married, I take it for granted that everybody knows now. He looks at me slightly guilty and it's that same bloody 'I know I ate the last of your chocolate biscuits but please don't yell at me, Ish' that I used to get all the ruddy time. "So where were you Mr man of mystery?"

"Ummm…London." He says vaguely then busies himself with his cup.

"Ok." I let it slide for now, he'll tell me when he has to and I go get myself a cup of coffee. When I turn back he's staring into space, just staring and it's so weird to see him be so far in his own mind. He jerks at me sitting down and gives me a little grin that doesn't seem real somehow. "So, come on what's up, why do you need the best legal mind this side of the Thames?" I try and make it light. He opens his mouth to tell me but stops takes a big deep breath and then tries again only to fail a second time. "Is some pretty young thing giving you a hard time?" I ask and his eyes flit away from me. "Hey, do you remember those girls from uni that used to walk to tesco's half an hour out of their way just to have the chance to bump into you?" I try to cheer him up.

"Did they?" He asked genuinely surprised by the looks of it.

"Yeah, of course you didn't realise." I shake my head in disappointment . "You were always so bloody oblivious when it came to girls, I think that's why they wanted you so much." I laugh but he doesn't join me. "So is it a girl?"

"Yeah." He mutters more to his cup than me. "My wife, Amira." I open my mouth to congratulate him but I realise that if he needs to talk to a lawyer about her congratulations probably isn't in order.

"What happened?" I ask, trying so hard to remain professional but part of me is just damn curious.

"Well, I was unfaithful." He admits looking away. Now that is a surprise and I must be gaping at him because he laughs. "I know, not exactly like me. But the thing is I fell in love. I knew it was never something my family would approve of though so I kept trying to deny it. I denied it so much I asked this lovely sweet beautiful girl to marry me, even though I felt nothing towards her. But it didn't stop, I couldn't stop it. I tried to…I tried so hard to stop it." He looks at me and the guilt and shame are almost painful to look at and I have to glance at my cup. "It was on and off again during the engagement, but I broke it off just before the wedding, I really tried to make my marriage work but it was impossible and the affair started again. Amira found out, it destroyed her, I knew what it was going to do to her in the community, but there was nothing I could do it was all too late. Everyone found out, my family rejected me. I ran away back to Leeds for a bit." This particular bit of the story I already knew, our mate Rav had rung me up to tell me that Syed had showed up out of the blue looking like death and crashed on his sofa for a while before disappearing like he was never there. I remember finding it funny at the time, wondering what the scamp was up to, assured Rav that it was bound to be nothing. I feel a stab of guilt at that one, but I keep it to myself. "I came back to try and reconcile things with my family I tried to get on with my life, forget about them. But I couldn't. In the end I chose them over my family. They still barely talk to me." The idea is almost chilling, I remember Zainab from when she visited Syed up in Leeds, it was almost a joke how much she loved her son, we used to tease him for it all the time. The idea that she might not even want to talk to him seemed almost unbelievable. "Things were going…" he laughs to himself for a moment. "I'd say good but my family were breaking apart so it would just seem insensitive. But the two of us, we were good, we wanted to get married, start a family. I tried to get in touch with Amira to get a divorce and for ages I got nowhere then at our engagement party she just walks in. I tried to talk to her about a divorce and then she tells me I'm a father. I have a daughter." He looks so helpless, so confused, I reach out my hand and touch his shoulder. "She says I can have contact but only me and that's…that's not something I can do. If you knew what we went through to be together to just let someone dictate us again. I can't do it. I do this with the person I love or I don't do it." I have to stare a minute, I doubt I've ever heard Syed talk with such enthusiasm about anything before. I have to wonder about this girl if she's got Syed so caught up.

"Wow." I breathe out when he looks at me expectantly. Then I pause and as much as I don't want to push him, I know I have to. "I gotta ask, Syed, what is it about this girl that makes her so inappropriate for you? How come you couldn't just be with her?" He looks a little uncomfortable so I try and make it easier. "Is she not a Muslim?"

"No, no he's not." I wonder for a second if I've miss heard him, I know I must look really rude sitting there mouth open blinking at him but really here is nothing else I can do at that moment.

"What!" I force out and he flinches a little. "But, Syed, you're not…." I can't even say it. It's impossible. Syed Masood is not gay. I lived with the guy I would have known. I would have guessed.

"I am." He tells me.

"No." I tell him as if that'll make some difference, he looks away slightly hurt.

"If it bothers you I'll…" he stands up to go and I feel like an idiot.

"Don't!" I yell and he freezes. "Sorry. I don't have a problem with it. I'm just a little shocked is all." I tell him and he grins.

"That's pretty much the universal reaction." He tells me.

"What's…what's he like?" I ask still trying to get my head around it. Syed Masood is gay, Syed Masood is in love with a man, the person that Syed Masood loves is male, Syed Masood is a gay Muslim man. Ouch, I realise, I bet that one's tricky.

"Imagine the exact opposite of me and you pretty much have Christian." He smiles. Christian. He has a name. It echoes around my head; the person Syed is with is a man called Christian. It's hard to get my head around. "He's loud, brash, impulsive, rude, he likes drinking, partying, dancing…" he fishes his phone out of his pocket and shows me the screen. I just look at it. There's Syed with this _huge _guy around him, his arms around Syed's neck making him look even weedier than he is, kissing the top of his head. It shocking, my gut twist as if something's wrong, I can almost hear my dad in my ear judging him, calling him sick. But then I really look and the funny thing is Syed looks happy. Now I would have said that I had seen Syed happy, I saw him when he got a good result on a test, when he beat someone at tekken, when we were out having a laugh. But it's nothing compared to how he looks there in that one picture and I feel like a monster for never seeing it. "embarrassingly camp sometimes, he hates my mother…oh and I hate his best mate."

"But you love him?" I ask suddenly needing to make sure. He gets this wistful look on his face and he turns the picture to himself tracing his eyes over the image of them together.

"Yeah. Yeah I do." He says so honestly so quietly it almost breaks my heart.

"You do know Aara is going to flip when she finds out." He laughs despite everything. "There was a time she would have done anything to get with you…" I grab at his phone and take one last little shell shocked stare at the picture. "I wonder what she'd say if she knew the stakes she'd have to have gone to!" I fish out my note pad and pen and start to have a serious think about this. "Ok so what we're after is access for you and your…" I struggle for the right word.

"Fiancé." He fills in for me helpfully and smile at him as if everything's fine. It's not like I'm homophobic or anything but it's just a little weird finding out that you can miss something so big in someone that I used to see every day. Part of me can't wait to burst Aara's little bubble about him though, it certainly explains why he was so quick to introduce her to me after she was all over him and why he was so weird with girls at uni. A thought suddenly enters my head and I try and shake it. I know I shouldn't ask, I know I won't want to know but I can't help myself.

"Syed, did you ever…" I make an extremely ambiguous gesture with my hands out of cowardice at saying the words. "…with anyone we knew at uni?" He looks at me puzzled for a minute before he realises.

"No." He assures me and though I wonder if he's lying I decide it's how I prefer it. We spend the rest of the day planning, he's so serious and dedicated to this it's easy to put in my whole effort and though I know I shouldn't I promise him reduced rates. After a few hours we part ways with a handshake and I go straight home. Aara looks at me lovingly and I give her a big kiss thankful that I didn't have to give up anything for the person I love.

"Honey, you will never guess who I spoke to today…"

_Syed_

"So what did your dad say?" Christian asks and I look at him and smile, he's so rubbish at covering up when he's anxious about something, like he's spent the last hour practising looking nonchalant alone in the flat and decided that leaning against the doorway looked casual enough though it just looks a little awkward and uncomfortable. I put him out of his misery by going to him and pulling him into my arms.

"I think he's going to do it. I think he's going to talk to Amira for us." I tell him and he grins at me, I know he gets how important this all is to me, to us, but what I don't think he gets yet is how important _he_ is to me. "I am exhausted." I tell him and he runs his hands through my hair all his tension forgotten as he uses everything he has to comfort me.

"I bet you are babe." He tells me and I finally detect a little slur to his words.

"Have you been drinking?" I ask lifting away from him a little to raise one disapproving eyebrow at him.

"Only a little." He tells me.

"Christian, you _reek _of wine." I take a deep whiff of him and crinkle my nose up at the smell, it's not all bad though; I can smell him through the alcohol.

"Sorry me and Roxy toasted to your bravery." He tells me and I don't point out how ironic it is toasting me with something he knows I don't approve of.

"Did you now?" Is all I mutter and I know he must be feeling a little guilty because he pulls me back in tightly and nuzzles against my hair an image of Ish suddenly flashes through my mind and I can't help but laugh, confused he pulls away and looks at me. "You should have seen Ish's face when I told him about you." I grin up at Christian. He looks a little hurt, I think in sympathy for me, but then he smiles back. "I thought he was going to have a heart attack."

"Was he ok with you?" Christian asks me touching my hair again, pre-empting any hurt.

"Not really, I think he's a little glad I'm no longer a threat to his marriage." He frowns at me. "Aara, his wife, always had a thing for me." I explain and he smirks down at me.

"Well pity for her she didn't have the _thing _you're interested in." He jokes and I stare at him wondering how with all the people in the entire world it's Christian Clarke that I can't even conceive being without. "So, were you a bit of a skirt chaser back in the day?" He asks me.

"Oh, one of the best." I tease. "I think not caring in the slightest gave me a bit of an edge. Plus I was pretty good at hiding what I am, Ish certainly didn't have a clue." It had just seemed easier not to tell any of my old friends the truth, they all lived their own lives and I hardly spoke to them. I had managed to convince myself that it just didn't matter if I had to tell them, living in Walford everyone knew each other's business so the idea of having to actually tell people seemed weird. I mean what do you do ring up everyone and say oh just to let you know I'm gay, that would just be awkward and strange. But that was all lies, I was avoiding it, pure and simple, hiding again. Well there was no hope of that anymore. Even if Ish didn't tell any of our old friends he would tell his wife and she would tell people, everyone would know. It was a weird feeling, almost freeing if it wasn't so scary. "But I guess everyone knows now."

"Are you ok with that?" Christian asked me seriously and it's easy to see the fear in his eyes. He always seems to think this is going to get ripped away from us, maybe because it was so hard getting here. Maybe he had to be the strong one for too long, the one holding me up. I look at him steadily trying to work out the best way to say what I want to say. I can't think of anything that doesn't sound cheesy, or stupid, or like a lie, so I just settle for the truth.

"It's a bit scary to be honest, but I'm glad I did it. I don't want to not share everything in my life with you Christian and I'm going to fight to get this for us. I want my child to know you, to love you. We're going to win this Christian, trust me." I tug him down for a soft kiss. My heart pulls towards him and I don't care that he spent the day getting drunk with his friend while I was having it out with my dad, or that he tastes of wine, or that he hates my mother, or that he does things without thinking, or any of the other things I usually end up getting cross about, all I care about is that I love him. Sometimes I hate that he wants to get married, don't see the point, or just wish he wouldn't so I could stop fighting about it with my mum but at times like this I can see it through his eyes, stop thinking about how the rest of the world will see it, how people will react and just see us as two regular people who want to tell the whole world that they're in love and it doesn't seem so scary anymore.

"I was telling Roxy about this fantasy I used to have." He tells me and I look up at him expectantly preparing my much more innocent mind for a bit of unexpected, and a little untimely, vulgarity. "Back when I was a twink…" I can't help the little bark of laughter at that and he glares at me.

"You were a twink!" I giggle. "_Please _tell me there is photographic evidence of this."

"I'm trying to reveal my innermost depths here!" He admonishes me hitting me lightly and I have to try and push away the image of Christian as some scrawny little twink to be serious for a second, though I store it away to tease him about later. "Well I used to daydream about some big hunk of a man to protect me from all the bullies. Kinda silly eh?" he asks and I know he's seeking approval in his usual subtle as a brick way.

"Christian…" I whisper his name running my fingers over his arms, I love his arms, I love every inch of him actually, but when we first met it was his arms I used to daydream about. "If anyone in the world understands wanting some strong confident guy to scoop them up and keep them safe it's me. After all, I got my superman." I tell him and watch as the big softy crumbles under the words. "But what's that got to do with anything?" I ask confused.

"Well I was explaining that today you blew any fantasy I had about that out of the water. You were so brave." He leans down and kisses me and I feel a slight flush of embarrassment coming over me I'm still not used to him complimenting me, I don't think I ever will be. "I am so proud of you Syed." I try and scoff the idea away but he grabs my face and forces me to look at him. "I mean it." He assures me and I can't help but believe him. It's a nice feeling making Christian proud, letting him believe that he can rely on me sometimes that it's not always on him to be the protector. It's natural to want to protect the things you love and why he wouldn't think I'd feel that for him is beyond me. I sink into his arms knowing it's my place in the world for just a little while before grinning up at him.

"Now how about those pictures?"


End file.
